What makes us want to do things to harm ourselves? Even when we are trying to improve our bodies, we will push ourselves to the point of excruciating pain, to get better. One more bench press, one more mile, one more hit, one more date with the person who does not really care for us, and it will make everything okay.
Are we searching for the wrong types of satisfaction or running toward a useless goal?
Ultimately we quest inner peace do we not? We know if we have that one cup of java in the morning, take our morning jog through the park, have that one cigarette or morning sex session, the day will run smoothly, and we will feel a sense of calm. And yet when we see our loved ones over indulging, we want to stop all daily processes, jump right in, find the cure, the answer to it all, before their addiction brings shame and dishonor or death.
Having a child addicted to a substance has to be one of the hardest realities a parent can face. We feed them when they are hungry, shelter them from the storm, and clothe them properly against the elements of nature, but we are powerless when it comes to curing their disease of addiction. Watching an addicted child can feel like a slow burning fire inside and out consuming everything we have tried to create. Our child the love child of the Gods the second coming of ourselves, our chance to get right all the things we did wrong and then . . .
Are we still supposed to love them? Can we deny our parentage? Can we blame everything and everyone else, especially those terrible friends they have chosen to hang around? Can we blame ourselves? Can we leave them to their own demise? Will any of these things work? Yes we can do all of these things but ultimately the only one who can stop the destruction, that the love of an addiction can cause, is the person addicted.
Knowing that we are powerless over the addiction is probably the hardest reality. It is the reality of knowing we found out too late, to stop the tragedy from happening, and yet we are in the midst of the wreck, and can not quite reach far enough, to grab our child out of the wreck. Our child the one with so much promise seems to be running from the safety of our loving embrace into the fire. Laughing under the spell of the substance.
-anonymous mom
