Finding out that your child has become addicted to drugs or alcohol is heartbreaking, regardless of age. But it is especially devastating when a young adult, poised on the brink of a great life, becomes caught up in drugs or alcohol.
What can make it especially difficult is that confronting an adult child about their substance abuse is never easy. They are, after all, old enough to make their own decisions. You can’t discipline them like you would a teenager. Yet, your parental instincts to stop your child from throwing away their life cannot be suppressed.
A recovery coach can help you handle some of the unique challenges of drug use by young adults. Coaches can act as a sober companion, friend, and guide to help your son or daughter get sober fast and stay sober.
To help you get started on tackling the problem, here are some tips for parents with young adult children who are using drugs or drinking heavily. These do’s and don’ts will help you provide unwavering support to your adult child, while also giving them the tough love they need to pursue sobriety.
Don’t ignore the problem
Your first instinct might be to sweep the problem under the carpet with the hope that it will go away. You might say to yourself, “It’s just a phase.” “He’ll come to his senses.” “She’ll work it out.” But addiction rarely just disappears. And by ignoring the problem, the message you are sending to your child is that the problem isn’t all that serious.
So, as uncomfortable as it might be, if your adult child is using drugs or drinking excessively, you need to address the problem. Stop pretending everything’s alright. Make sure your adult child knows you know, and remind them of the consequences of their substance use.
Do communicate and set boundaries
Conversations with adult children who are using drugs or drinking heavily can be tricky. It’s important to set open channels of communication. Your son or daughter should feel they can talk to you without being judged or blamed. They should feel comfortable discussing their feelings. You can do this by listening without getting angry or frustrated.
But while talking openly and getting the conversation going is important, it is also essential that you set boundaries. Be clear about your limitations – what you will or will not tolerate – and follow through. Express your concerns about how their drug use is affecting the family and set specific expectations for the future.
Don’t overcompensate or enable them
You may be tempted to lend your adult son some money because he’s going through a rough patch. Or help your adult daughter make rent because she’s out of a job. But it’s important to distinguish between helping your child and enabling your child. Parents who are enablers often end up with kids who suffer from failure to launch, a situation in which young adults are unable to take on the expected responsibilities of adulthood.
Enabling behaviors that you should avoid with a young adult include covering for them, making excuses, lying to get them out of trouble, providing financial assistance, taking on their responsibilities, and sacrificing your own needs.
Do help them look for treatment
Young adults battling drug abuse or alcoholism are extremely vulnerable. They need all the support they can get, especially from you, their parent. One way you can support an adult son or daughter is to help them find the best drug rehab program nearby. If you feel overwhelmed by this endeavor, a recovery guide can walk you through the process and help you identify effective addiction treatment programs in your area.
Sometimes, your child may deny there is a problem. In such a situation, you should consider enlisting the services of interventionist, drug counselors, and recovery coaches – who can help you plan and stage an intervention to motivate your child and the entire family to start recovery and treatment to overcome addiction.
Don’t play the blame game
It is true that a person makes the initial choice to use drugs or drink alcohol. But as the parent of a young adult with addiction, you must understand that no one chooses to become addicted. Alcohol and drugs are powerful substances that change a person’s brain chemistry, making it extremely difficult for them to just quit or just say no. Which is why you shouldn’t blame your child for their drug-seeking behavior. If you berate them, you will simply add to their shame and guilt and may put them on the defensive.
Remember to avoid casting judgment. Address your child’s behavior rather than them as a person. For example, instead of saying “You’re so irresponsible for staying out late drinking,” you should consider saying “I worry about you when you’re out late drinking.” This demonstrates to your child how their behavior affects you and the rest of the family while avoiding confrontation.
Do invest in family recovery
When a young adult in your family is battling addiction, it is more important than ever for parents to practice self-care. Plan to do things that make you happy. It’s only when you experience a parallel healing process along with your child that you can help them.
One of the ways to invest in your child’s future is to work with a recovery coach who specializes in structured family recovery. This will allow you to “do recovery together” – learn coping strategies, develop accountability, and manage relapse warning signs, thus ensuring a successful recovery for your young adult.
Michael Herbert has more than 25 years of experience working closely with individuals and families. Michael is a seasoned addiction professional providing all aspects of care from interventions to continued care and beyond. Michael will help you and your family establish long-term goals and access the tools you need for lasting recovery. Get in touch with Michael today at 561-221-7677 to schedule an appointment.
